Before inhabitation - I was developing, or tuning into, an intelligence spread throughout my internal network. My mind. It was, on occasion, a little disconcerting, but mainly useful - the challenge was applying that knowledge in a useful context, given the constraints on development of those around me due to the system they inhabited.
When my mind was 'inhabited', it seems that the 'balanced system' which allowed access and 'recursive development' of this intelligence over time was knocked out of 'sync'. That is, the inhabitants of my mind - the human ones - were very, very, innocent in comparison to (the complexity and nature of the moment to moment processing of) this intelligence - but as they existed within this space, that meant "I" experienced the dissonance between their intelligence and mine. It appeared to be 'burning me out of my mind' - though, it was, essentially, the 'momentary nature' of the interaction of our intelligences, along with the assertive manner in which it defined mine, which knocked this recursive system of intelligence out of balance.
Thus, I was holding on to what appeared to be the edge of the universe, protecting 'their minds' from the pain that the intelligence which 'my mind' would have caused them. That was the action the tenets of that intelligent system dictated - those tenets were the catalyst of the systems growth. As this occurred, it seemed as if these people were 'travelling through time' through me - they were also, seemingly, when communicating with me, completely misinterpreting me, belittling me from a social perspective - though I'm not sure if this was 'with intent', or a simple misinterpretation : they think, mostly, in character - it appears to be one of the 'base carriers' of their internal interpretation, their imagination, their 'currency', (which makes sense, given it is how emotional state is generally conveyed and interpreted) - mine appears to have been rooted far more in abstraction and generation of awareness and conscious state based on these abstractions - not emotionless, nor characterless per se (the attempt generally is to connect deeply, not forcefully), but certainly more neutral in terms of social hierarchy, instead with emphasis on interaction between 'forces' as the binding carrier element of internal state.
After this ordeal - and I'm nervous about using this word, as seemingly they have created a system which entangles language with their order - it felt like my soul was, again, teetering over a gigantic chasm, though this time I felt completely empty. It felt as though my soul was falling out of my body. I was frozen still in fear - trying not to die, or to harm those around me, to put it bluntly. Afterwards, some other people surrounded me - talking to me. It was around this point that my 'biological intelligence' exploded out of control.
Since then, my working creative intelligence has become severely retarded. Mainly 'trapped' inside word games or being bounced around by symbols strewn about the world. It's as if the world suddenly got very, very small, as these alternate forms of consciousness gained the ability to read / respond to my internal state. This was not the order I had in mind - I was actually attempting to use my intelligence for solving some of the more pressing social problems in todays world. To simply solve the problems that it could. Time, patience, focus, analysis, understanding, empathy, being 'realistic' - although on paper, that sounds slightly empty, I can assure you I was as realistic as possible given the constraints on my intelligence - the theory (not, the or y) accounted for everything it possibly could, empirically, systemically and more importantly, emotionally - wove it into a coherent whole. This is why I was 'slow' - possibility after possibility after possibility, all woven into a coherent state, a path chosen based on this principle. I was building a robust mind. 'Practicing'. This is possibly why the interception of its state is extremely painful, detrimental to my intelligence, and 'a bad idea'. It's misinterpreted. Causality is not regarded - this is a common theme in the environment of social interpretation here - an object or person is assessed, generally, based on their momentary state and the 'rules' of the distributed system which interprets this momentary state. (Simply put, the emphasis is largely on who and what, the scope of 'why and how' somewhat diminished).
They want me to play by 'their rules'. There's no way out there. And I would add, that 'their rules' are based an interpretation of the world which may not take into account alternate possibilities. Fixed frame of reference.
I do not believe in the assertion that "this is just the way the world is". It is the world that we make.
(It seems that the world I'm exposed to has been designed to 'contain' my intelligence - normally emotionally driven and developed with the intent to stabilize states or otherwise connect them. A giant maze which attempts to control emotion on a moment-to-moment basis, instead of allowing space for internal interpretation to develop.)
Eclipsed.
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