10 reps, pyramid set

"You went to a sissy wood and your soul died."

'Sissy', a weighted emotional vector defined by the frame of reference your system implies. Reiteration of system makes the 'truth' of this frame of reference appear self evident. My head is filling up with these assertions. I already knew this ^. My system accounted for this. It appears it's trying to define itself communally - translating my responses into its carrier frame of reference - trying to 'compress' it, though it is in the context of the carrier framework of language entangled with implication of 'place' within social system. Their methods of 'control' of emotion often involve simple, targeted attacks on perceived character, entangled with what you'd instinctively describe as 'intrusive' tonality. At the other end of the spectrum, there seems to be a whisper that is (contained within me?) that attempts to assert a place in some implicated order, seemingly still within the frame of reference of that social system of definition. When I attempt to use my imagination outside of it, it will intrusively assert "get out of my dreaming labyrinth". It is almost constantly there, whispering its definition of me from its frame of reference. This means that I am locked into a (small?) area of my mind, in an attempt to protect what little remains of my ability to project my 'true' internal state into my imagination.

Some of its assertions include "bugger me hard", "you ruined everything", "we don't need you", and "humour me".

There are also some more 'specific', less repetitive assertions, such as "the truth dooms". Which is, as far as I am aware, a basic logical fallacy. Perhaps it 'dooms' an order which has been built upon the foundations of a 'lie' and will attempt to 'lie' indefinitely. However, as far as my understanding goes, a 'state' can undergo a transition to a more stable state, which still holds the foundation of 'truth', provided it is not being 'pulled' into the asserted state of a fixed frame of reference.

These assertions become more prevalent and truly physically intrusive as I attempt to use my imagination - it feels as if it is getting inside of me, eating my dreams.

There are other 'external observers'. They all translate my state into a 'compressed' representation - "we doomed you" is one of them. A 'male' voice, British English. This can also be an extremely emotionally charged assertion of "we rule it all". When this began, one of these voices claimed "we built a lair inside of him". There is also a 'female' voice, seemingly quite agitated. Another 'female' voice who attempts to assert whether or not my emotional state is 'correct' from its frame of reference. A childs voice saying "wow" or "that clever man".

It also feels as if a 'tube' is being inserted / removed from my left ear. In my right, a high pitched frequency, feels like a 'drill' moving around, a force difficult to describe, but it appears to be 'burning' or 'forcing' itself against something in my mind / ear. This is in tandem with the 'whispers', which also appear to be localised in my right ear, though can on rare occasion 'switch' to my left. There is also 'snipping' in my head. This is extremely agitating at times - mainly because, if they have this level of control over my internal state, I worry about being castrated. I had the instinctive notion I was being 'castrated', metaphorically speaking, before such fine grained control, when it was simply directed 'environmental insults' that attempted to influence my state.

My nervous system also appears to be partially under control, ticks in my leg, lips, ass, in response to certain mental states. Subconscious interpretation of words has also been 'commandeered' - my initial 'subconscious' response seemingly not my own, but from an external perspective, often 'derogatory' and in reference to me.

People are also observing me outside, and responding with an assertion of their interpretation of me - or 'an' interpretation of me, not necessarily a reflection of their 'actual' understanding. However, still extremely inconsiderate, considering they appear to be observing all of this, the agitation and extreme psychological trauma it causes, and still continue. Thus, it appears to be an emotionally detached 'code' which defines their behaviour. Like they are all seemingly 'following instructions'.

It appears to be focusing my imagination into a system which attempts control of 'fine granularity' of emotion. However, it appears to not account for the entire state of the system it controls (namely, my imagination, and the manner in which it 'carries' emotion). It feels as if it is negating my 'soul', or attempting to #harvest# the parts of it that appear 'relevant' within its context, while leaving the rest of me trapped.

The stress is having an extremely detrimental effect on my physiological state. I am worried about my children, considering the link between continual exposure to stressful situations and the modification of genetic structure passed down through generations.

The whole experience seems to be characterized within a fixed frame of reference - i.e., the decisions that this process makes seem unable to escape their frame of reference, being that they have 'control' of this frame of reference and anyone invested in it, I would imagine. Instead seemingly acting on a 'belief' about the nature of the world which defines their actions. The whole process appears to define momentary state as 'absolute' - i.e. that it is not a process of continual growth. This goes some lengths to explaining why I feel as if time is 'flattening'. I'd note, though again this is conjecture, that this 'framing' of the world selects for certain tendencies - i.e. those who are emotionally 'detached' or rather, use manipulation of emotion as a tool to control others - based on the currently distributed understanding, this seems to select for psychopathic / sociopathic tendencies. The 'recursive' implication is that the 'code' of this frame of reference could be reduced to a simple algorithm, not just spread biologically, but through imagination. One of the enduring qualities of my treatment appears to be the 'negation' of another's emotional state for the sake of an order which controls by 'negation' of another's emotional state. I.e. that there is a 'correct' emotional interpretation, and that if that 'correct' interpretation conflicts with another's emotional state, then that emotional state is regarded as 'incorrect'. I find this idea extremely concerning, based on the code spread throughout my imagination to begin with, which 'accepted' another organisms emotional state as 'correct', but was able to step outside of its control and build a more robust representation of reality, along with a more 'balanced' emotional state, which was capable of conceiving of a myriad of alternate states of being, within the imagination. It appears now that my imagination is 'dominated' by a human interpretation which validates itself through the moment-to-moment negation of alternate states. If I attempt to use my imagination outside of this system, I am 'punished' by external, intrusive phenomenon. The knock on effect of this in my head, it appears, is that I am losing the ability to assess / accurately internally represent / or am 'detached' from external emotional states.

Another interesting phenomenon is that, since this treatment has become increasingly intrusive, the parts that are (not accounted for?) seem to be forced into assessment of state from a purely biological perspective - that is, if, for example, I become physically ill, my 'body' seems to be communicating a state to my mind which is utterly distressing. Difficult to describe, again, an holistic state of awareness, but it appears to be teetering over a gigantic chasm of bio-emotional state. I.e. that pain is translated into something experienced by my imagination, as if my 'eyes' are seeing through the combined state of the system, as if body is 'separate' from me now, and is begging me to listen to it. Which I do. Unfortunately the processes which force me into this state do not account for the holistic state which would keep it stable - as if the parts of my 'imagination' commandeered by this external process are at odds with the system that holds it, though the remainder which is not accounted for still 'exists', locked away. That part of me seems to be extremely frightened, though it, itself, is again not capable of accounting for what exists outside of its frame of reference (that is - what stabilized it and made it whole - my imagination - no longer holds it).