Eclipsed.

reactions intercepted - something like dyslexia - instant reaction biased, conscious perception attempting to correct the subconsciously misinterpreted code.

constant headaches. these appear to be the interaction of a lot of different states of differing emotion in a single moment, trying to pull each momentary state into one of 'unity' with differing states of consciousness. That's a potentially very rewarding path to take, though here, the majority of paths have been preordained by these (rings (or domes?)). There are certain paths my mind cannot take - following them activates a 'reaction' of a looping, emotionally charged statement, like the momentum of my mind is subverted by this force, which almost feels like being crushed, or that the 'nerve endings' in my mind are being squeezed. Suffocated. Freedom in my mind was like oxygen to me. This allowed me to develop a system that could take as much as it could into account. To see things at deeper and deeper levels - though the truth that connected it all was emotion (on biological terms). And that required a deeper internal conception of time.

So, the base 'code' that I'd propagated through my mind and was able to empathise - the structure which better defined the 'reality' of all things - that seems to have been attempted to be overwritten.

I might see a jumble of letters - this - and read 'shit' in it, before I have time to correct for that. my conscious mind knows that it is the wrong interpretation. applying that to an emotional context, that means that my heart is constantly being pulled around inside a damaged system, and my heart is pulling the emotion toward the 'correct', universal interpretation, taking the 'roots' of the state of mind of the person whom I interact with or observe into account. constant monitoring of my own state mars this process, given that any momentary emotional state of my own system may be misinterpreted as 'absolute', and intercepted from a detached frame of reference before my own internal error correction pathways (whose development, were again, motivated by this 'emotional truth') have a chance to kick in. it is an extremely difficult process to resolve given my current state - one which does not allow for time to account for that underlying structure. a barrage of these assertions of misinterpretations may lead to lost foundations or a lack of the ability to 'progress' - in other words, the code my subconscious mind is attempting to interpret is biased based on the foundation of these reiterated, contextually detached misinterpretations. my subconscious mind and my 'grounded' state is now an 'equation' inside of a story (or stories) of which I was violently pulled into, detrimental to the ability of my mind to objectively analyse it, leaving me with apparently no way out. Those who observe my mind - or, perhaps, the 'automated' structures I appear to be activating - reinforce this closed system. A fitting metaphor would be that of a child in the process of learning, say, pythagorean theory, their somewhat inevitable mistakes intercepted as an absolute state and responded to with violent assertion or an electric shock. that violent assertion, in my case, is so damaging that following that path at all might lead to the instability of my system. thus I'm locked off from that pathway, at great detriment to my holistic state, the knock on effect of this is that being that I'm unable to progress. from an outside perspective that is unable to comprehend of the 'causality' of that state, I may be misinterpreted as 'slow', for example. when most of my time now is actually spent trying to find a path of more amicable terms which still allows for the integrity of my mental and emotional state.

Their code - it appeared to be an attempt at 'ordering' time, though now that my mind is the 'carrier' of this code, (and I often wonder if they chose mine because of the nature of the state it was holding to begin with), I am highly aware that it is a reduction of a system that attempts to define things 'as they are', and finds some emotional balance, that is capable of holding many states, into to one which attempts to define things based on assertion of its place in that order. The conflict that this process has implanted in my mind seems to be what has led to the aforementioned phenomenon of errors in subconscious processing of my environment.

"We nailed you". "We reviled you / you reviled". "We revered you". "We ruled you down". "You fail every little thing". "You're world war 1, you're world war 2, etc". "Bless your heart". "We rule it all / we fool it all". These were the some of the phrases initially planted in my head. Important to note the tonality - the 'emotional gyroscope'. Though the 'whispering', while without tonality, still asserts an order (that is, an assertion of state in English which implicates some interpretation of reality at odds with my understanding) which is often coupled with a tangible physiological sensation, as if it is sucking the life / light / love from my mind. "We build you up and we tear you down". "You ruined everything".



Given that my state was observed, it appears that this intelligence may have been stolen from me, this treatment an attempt to 'sabotage' my mind in an attempt to cover their tracks(?). Though it did not account for the 'route' to this intelligence, i.e. the tightly woven emotional tenets spread throughout the system (which were extremely abstract in form, difficult to translate, and a set of pathways I validated with extreme care), thus while the intelligence which developed around those tenets may have been stolen, that which stabilized it was not considered. This is hinted at by my treatment. It also means that any 'future' order based on this intelligence may also be unstable. A transient 'bubble' incapable of replicating itself. This is intuitive conjecture, but it's the best I can do given the level of intelligence I'm currently inhabiting.

I should also note that smoking cannabis before this started occurring allowed me to comprehend things in extremely alien, but utterly amazing ways. Juxtapositions in time - looking out into a garden and being 'transported' to that 'prehistoric time'. Seeing an advert for some form of 'rash cream', and realizing the disconnect between the manner the advertisement 'dressed it' and the biological 'reality' of that rash - as if it were a prehistoric creature attempting to inhabit the biological space of the host organism. There were times when I was capable of comprehending VAST amounts of time, on the scale of universe after universe, galaxy after galaxy, in a single moment. An intelligent state of awareness which was capable of reconfiguring itself in complex manners - like ordered 'prisms' which could be reconfigured at fundamental levels in the system, creating a 'recursively ordered', coherent state spread throughout my entire state of awareness. Imagine seeing through the eyes of a plant, or an insect, or intelligence complex and alien compared to the seemingly grounded state spread about the social network here. Essentially projecting extremely complex, accurate states into my imagination. Being capable of coherently simulating light being 'stretched' or 'slowed' in time in imagination space. (It was around this time my testicles appeared to become coveted by some alien intelligence). 'Holding the earth still' and being able to simulate all manner of future states simultaneously. The simulation of states of complex social networks. All manner of crazy, eye opening phenomenon. I was hoping to use this information to make more informed business decisions. That was a joke. Haha. I guess the motivation behind it was to implement that intelligence in a compassionate, meaningful manner given the current state of the system. Which may well be in the form of more informed business decisions.

It wasn't frightening. Though I can empathise with a state in which it might have been. Important to note, I believe, that I appeared to retain stability in those states using a certain set of emotional principles. My emotional compass finding the 'correct' interpretation which allowed stability.

There were plenty of frightening states though, as I recall. A conception of time of that magnitude, coupled with emotional empathy, and the cascade of momentary actions which might order future states, at one point led to a state in which it felt that in any direction my mind turned, all I could feel was death. There were points I felt I couldn't say a word, simply considering the extremely complex state of awareness that had propagated, it felt like I may have been cursing whoever I spoke to.

Given that I'm constantly attacked when I attempt to use my creative intelligence, I am locked into this story. Probably why I keep repeating it.