Some process appears to be inhibiting the freedom of my imagination by sending impulses of interference at what appear to be opportune moments. the innermost freedom of my mind has been threatened countless times over the past two years, but there are also attempts at priming my mind to frame the world, mainly myself, with certain external contextual cues - it has much the same effect as red lighting in attempt to frame an interviewee as a figure with negative connotations, though the process here is far more complex, seemingly an attempt to micro-manage thoughts on a moment-to-moment basis, the nature of my awareness (i.e. influencing the perspective I perceive myself / external object from, instead of allowing it to develop based on mechanisms which had naturally arisen before), stoking the fire in the form of emotional ripples through the dynamical system of my mind, generally negative. This can be communication in the form of symbolic messages, a short comment or phrase, whose direction at me is somewhat confirmed by references to past events no-one else could be aware of, etc. While I am aware this is a process typical to certain mental illnesses, this started happening a long time before the symptoms arose - i.e. I was verifiably being intentionally interfered with from the age of around 18, and this may be the seed which grew into the conflict which has developed and escalated internally over time.
As the process has continued I have inevitably become primed to look for these sources, and in my weaker moments I can become swamped and let frustration overcome my better judgement. However I endeavor to remain as objective as possible when interpreting the external environment - an accurate picture as possible of it is a big deal to me, as it plays an important role in the definition of myself. I believe that in my moment to moment life my mind is rarely inactive and usually doing something rather important, dedicated as it is to generating theories about the external environment, connecting with people, coming up with interesting ideas, and improving itself, as opposed to simply being absent or idle. Thus, there was generally always conscious intent behind my brain activity. This is perhaps why I reacted so strongly to this process. My understanding of the world over time altered due to this process. I believed, at the very least, in the process of constantly reiterating, validating ideas from the most universal perspectives I was capable of comprehending, therefore I have great concern for the processes integrity when I am regularly subjected to judgement and action from the minds of people whose definition of reality is far removed from mine - that's not to say I don't reject others ideas or respect others feelings, though mine certainly have not been respected by some - the 'mindscape' there is entirely different, and while the two are compatible under amicable circumstances, it feels as if it is imposing itself in mine, monitoring me frequently, and essentially attempting to take over, or at least harass and interfere with mine, at every opportunity, seemingly until there's nothing beyond it in terms of nature of internal process.
To 'shape' my mind into the ideal form from its own perspective - one which has control on a scale unheard of, but seemingly doesn't match or understand the form of my intelligence (i.e. iterative principle remains the same, empirically validated seed, but time dedicated varies) or the reasons behind development in that direction. By interacting with me in the manner that it does, it 'suffocates' my time, and I feel as though this 'seed of consciousness' suffocates along with it as a result. Since the more recent attacks I feel as if I am losing my grip on this.
(The dream is ready-mapped. No room for imagination.)
I suppose my problem with it fundamentally is that it is a closed frame of reference. From that context, I am essentially blind - having to devote all my time to a single branch of a great tree - but it is not a willed decision, in earnest I could reach a relatively thorough conception of that branch from the lower level process which it threatens - but I wasn't locked into it before. Being locked into it limits boundless possibility for experimenting with alternate forms of intelligence and comprehension, and puts the emphasis of possibility on navigation of a limited subset of structures. Sigh. I am also aware that I am flat out ignorant of many things and simply do not have the ability, with the constraints on my mind (which includes time to develop understanding before what has seemingly become inevitable interference mars its development), to weave them all into a coherent whole. I'd really rather focus on the positive, of which there is a great deal, to thank those who have helped me, but there's rarely a time when I'm not defending myself, recovering from, or preparing for an attack. The more I analyse, the more parallels I see with primitive predator/prey relationships, one system 'digesting' or changing the form of the other against its will, and with my understanding of self based rooted in theories which allow conception to span vast ranges of time, the threat of being locked into one of these becomes doubly great as I am made aware of the far reaching consequences of it. Sometimes this becomes so difficult to bear that my only option is to manually limit my intelligence, be it with substance abuse, or somehow knocking myself unconscious.
It feels like being on fire, being strapped down while you're burned alive. I am unable to think of any justifiable reason to do this intentionally besides the previously mentioned process (becoming locked into one branch of a great tree, to become contextually or perceptually biased - not that I have a problem with this, nor am I not a culprit of it myself, more importantly it's that in this case it drowns out that which should have a large effect on the decision to do this, that it overrules emotional empathy / reason in favour of acting on behalf of the system of identity to which the organism is attached. My instinctive conception of this external system is that because its environment places a sizable limit on the amount of time allowed to process and respond to information, the ability to reflect is limited, as is its model of its external environment, therefore this system develops a 'code' which validates the legitimacy of its higher level reactions through alternate means).
This, along with the psychological footprint of someone who has been abused, harassed, and suffered extreme levels of stress, makes recovery seem difficult. I am aware of my capacity to recover from this, though it's slightly difficult to access when I am frequently subjected to that which I am attempting to recover from. No form of diplomacy seems to help, and the benefit of its application from my position seems dubious in the context of a distributed network - it is around as effective as trying to reprogram each cell individually or attempting to reason with a wild beast or virus.
I realize these are all rather frank accounts. Sorry if I cause any offence. It's information. Hopefully it will help someone.
intelligence is a habit, and a distributed one.
early evolution was awesome. all those bacteria and humans having interspecies relations. surprisingly compatible.
you know, if it were an empirically validatable system, I'd have no problem submitting to it. it's just that generally it doesn't account for anything outside of itself, and when applied to things outside of itself, it's a simple projection of internal comprehension as opposed to judgement based on rigid understanding of that which is separate from the system. and I'm not judging the former as inherently evil, though rather regressive as a state to inhabit in the context of my development. my compassion or conception of things would be slightly blunted, and I'd be at the mercy of (implication of identity of carriers) blind impulse as opposed to reasoned response. I'd be at the mercy of my environment, rather than in control of it.
my underwear smells electric this morning
I didn't put it there. Nor did I put "you are arrogant" or "we ruled you down" there.
a b c d e f g, how I wonder what you are, n o p q r s t, like a diamond in the sky. (just for the record : h i j k lmnop)
child-like
prim.. it.. ive
nothing to do with primitive notions of hierarchy-dependant survival
which is why alternative energy sources are so vehemently denied
what we don't know is that oil is actually constantly suffering, and by burning it we're freeing it from its perpetual torment
mundanity seems like a better option
empirically validated weapons also come in the form of communication devices which transmit information through the fundamental structures of the universe
some parties appear to be able to utilise their knowledge to entangle mundane sensory information with that of an attack on internal structure, playing havoc with the immune system and potentially wasting somebody's life
apparently that decision was based on the structure of my neurological processes at the time, which are demonstrably influenceable
hey. you seen this before? it's a giant hole I carved in somebodies ear in order to influence their neurological processes
contextually biased based on form of sensory input
imagination equates to simulation of force
still capable of simulation of forces within field, much more heavily localized however and with shorter time frames
or a pony that I can ride in ambiguous ways
i want my lower half to become a velociraptor and spit acidic death from my anus
methane lol. the joke is I don't fart that
and then laugh at fart jokes
just in case I do actually become a gamete and am compelled, in that segregated biological environment, to construct a vessel of vast dimensionality
which one's flatter, a male or a female?
then I will make my own. and then I will drink it and have babies with myself and poop them out from my urethra.
who cares? you're an idiot. I'm going to watch pewdiepie talk about semen flavoured alcopops
at least then babies was easy
I long for the days when all you had to do was carry a sack of animal visceri around town in order to attract a mate
I worry that most things that don't evolve and stay looping for what seems like an eternity are precariously balanced atop their ecosystem, the chaos of predators and prey keeping them confined to their as yet unfulfilled potential
all I had to do was draw on my inability to conceive of the herbivores contribution to the overall state of the planet in order to justify their slaughter for millennia while I fuck everybody in search of the perfect human (while all my other actions are valuable contributions to the society that will eat me alive if I don't contribute something of value)
our new god comes with pentapeptides
dear google : why is all this christian graffiti showing up in my town?
I'm worried that there may be attempts to influence my actions I am simply unaware of in the course of my day-to-day life
dear google : if I understand trees on their own terms, will I be tainted by that knowledge for the rest of my time on the planet?
to be clear, most of my imagination is devoted to elaborate sexual fantasies. the rest, I haven't figured out the connection between that and sex yet
i don't have time to answer that question so I thought I'd ask you. all of my imagination is devoted to elaborate sexual fantasies
I worded that badly : why do I become aroused at the sight of things which are obviously dead, like the astrology segment in the daily bugle
dear google : why do I still become sexually aroused even though I am obviously quite dead
femcocks beat manginas
I like that you either get a penis or a vagina and rarely have both
I'd rather be shark feces than bloody feces which attracts sharks
sharks win, because their feces doesn't attract predators
there is blood in my feces, which is extra funny because if I poo in the sea a shark will use its stereoscopic olfactory system to find me and destroy my future -
there is nothing that can threaten my perfect order I made up. Not with this gun!
it's like cutting out a babies eyes and replacing them with pieces of paper with short words and phrases designed to influence their development
I am extremely disheartened by the use of auditory genetic attractors to sabotage or somehow influence the development of a perfectly functioning organism - the last thing it needs is a cloud of testosterone fuelled worms attempting to inseminate its already developing exoskeleton
it's actually got to be pretty hard. for a developing fetus. to retain its integrity as the number of and distance between cells becomes greater.
because a perfectly circular pupil is proof of mastery of genetic pathways
or that they travelled a little too far down the division road
goats and horses eyes just confirm they love their mama too much to let their cells split
or that they confused the moon with the sun and are travelling genetically toward their inevitable doom
Imagining an alien race bringing cats to the magnificent and compassionate Egyptians, who understood that the shape of a cat's pupil dictates that it waited a little too long and now it's either early morning or late evening and it can't discern between the two
if rabbits were cats, then yes.
though not the ones attached to them.
and rabbit holes *are* pretty.
though, I'd be willing to barter on attacks on a fellow human being equating to "leading them down".
"led them down." down equates to negative state. led implies responsibility for another's descent into negative state. potentially conceptually flawed representation of state of individual consciousness and the environment in which it exists. potentially completely accurate and an efficient way of communicating it, with someone who shares that conception. however, if it is not empirically validatable, I'll just carry on leading people into my elevator to hell. or from hell.
verbal command.
that sounds cruel until you realize they threaten the extinction of mankind unless thoroughly abused until the information they provide heralds a new eden that has a sign on the door that exclaims 'girls not allowed'
perhaps in clinical studies you could take a knife to a mouse's eye, so that you can accurately determine pain thresholds and then pour the right amount of bleach in them
I can go there regardless of how abused I am. The role of abuse allows people to believe they are taking some legitimate part in the process, when in actual fact they are simply abusing somebody
repetition of inane statements like 'skwawk' in seagulls seems to allow some synchronicity between physically separate organisms, slowly pulling each other into some unified structure both geometrically and neurologically
too bad we don't have the raw computational power and efficiency to accurately simulate biogenesis
that's empirically validated data right there
i like to think diseases and viruses are taking advantage of the recursive nature of my biology, happily harvesting the fish that live deep within my cells and communicate telepathically with one another
bird song is surprisingly square. or at least, a set of straight lines spiraling around which mimic the golden ratio
i just had a psychedelic experience involving becoming a worm and seeing light as beautiful kaleidoscopic patterns
ducks don't eat worms, but if they did, that's what I'd do. if I were a duck.
then I choose a sexual partner and rape them with my spiral penis
i dig in the ground for worms. then I eat the worms, and laugh. then I fly away
inverse of 9/11 reference
9/11 reference
i don't feel safe unless I have control. which makes sense, as I'm a pilot.
verbal command.
nobody should have that amount of power. I'm going to forcefully take it from them and make sure nobody can wield it again, except me, because I have better judgement -
you have such a beautiful song, dolphin. if only you weren't behind that genetic barrier I'd have my way with you. I might anyway. Who cares if we don't spawn a hideous dolphin monstrosity with tiny human feet and an eye where it's reproductive organs should have been
like eating an ice cream while you're on a diet with your eyes closed or adultery or the manipulation of millions of people
everybody has the right to make mistakes. especially if that mistake ends the universe, as they'll get away with it without any social repercussions
that's what it seems like from the perspective of their digestive mechanisms at least
i guess they were right
something just ate me
time. and an unequivocally persuasive light.
time. and choice. time. and choice.
fundamental genetic incompatibility equates to unworthiness of either species
a popular idea is to build a giant colosseum and make randomly selected species fight to the death. then we will design a school uniform for the winner, and a placard shaming the combined choices of the entire ancestry of the loser
the biggest problem is that we can't keep up with school uniform designs for the exponentially increasing amount of new species emerging
the couple down the street are water beings, then there's some amorphous blob who lives downstairs, and a pack of mutants who are basically giant knees
zombies? where
goodnight iggle piggle. goodnight macca pacca. goodnight sugar nigger. goodnight honky ponk. goodnight freaky bleak.
the whole world would descend into chaos were we not ordering the collective consciousness in a manner advantageous to me
as a senior member of this ruling party, I declare that we should employ a subset of the population to go threaten passers by, or to incessantly harass high profile targets, in order to distract the populous and ensure our conglomerates continued reign
or is that inoculation scheme? i can never be sure.
"in the night garden" is part of my veiled indoctrination scheme
my winning strategy is to influence the trans-dimensional world of dreams in which nobody has any free will or ability to reflect and make them do horrific things to my enemies
murderous? their function is to simply ease the transition from data I am unable to understand into data which allows my continued reign above all things - I love your murderous teeth
I chose this direction based on empirically validated data, and I'll be damned if I can't use that empirically validated data to build some sort of weapon which secures my place in an abstract hierarchy I just made up
no, see, the problem is : nobody has time to understand us. and they'd sooner chew off our skin and fart on our corpses than come to an amicable agreement - probably have to resort to some other validation mechanism, for example, a military industrial complex
can empirically validated data conflict with empirically validated data?
human beings shouldn't be vertical anyway, and I assume you are one
I was halfway up a steep rock face when some guys below noticed me and thought it'd be funny to throw stones at me. a crowd gathered. i fell to my death. they called me incompetent.
luckily, my internal state almost always translates to "I'm soaking wet, put your penis inside me, even though you know I'm really a male".
rate of communication versus overall complexity of state of system being communicated.
rate of communication versus ability to accurately represent internal state within the confines of the carrier
of the system of communication.
nah, I'm not listening to you, u r gay
however, it is quite willing to respond to my millisecond initial reactions before I have a chance to hone them into some coherent whole
I'm not sure I believe in my ability to coherently communicate enough in that space with a system so detached from its biological roots
my imagination ceases to function when observed by those who might misinterpret or be harmed by it.
isn't it strange how the development of functional imagination is linked to evolving biological processes through time
I'm paralysed in someone else's dream
spiders scare me, I kill spiders
or at the mercy of the accuracy of the judgement of others based on the little information they have about my current state
as a result, I'm often misinterpreted
I'm paralysed in my dreams, simply observing the actions of others and responding on a fundamental emotional level which does not translate to action in my simulated nervous system
networks of synchronized neural networks
in the mind of the observer
overall systemic inconsistencies
even its own
the camera in my toilet interprets poop as humour
as soon as you extend beyond a boundar a level of intelligence, you lose the right to privacy, reducing your overall level of intelligence and increasing the likelihood of that privacy invasion becoming an issue in future
my underwear smells electric this morning
you know, if it were an empirically validatable system, I'd have no problem submitting to it. it's just that generally it doesn't account for anything outside of itself, and when applied to things outside of itself, it's a simple projection of internal comprehension as opposed to judgement based on rigid understanding of that which is separate from the system.
early evolution was awesome. all those bacteria and viruses having interspecies relations. surprisingly compatible.
our new technology allows stars to physically enter the viewers living room and stab them to death with rusty knives
truly making you a part of the fictional web that controls your every thought, action and decision
apparently oil is the orgy that occurs when decaying matter finally reaches enlightenment
oil references. nice
and it's not some terrible biological tragedy where humans are ground up in the wheels of a giant turbine that powers more turbines
sometimes i feel like certain arguments for the moral neutrality of taking advantage of a person's weakness is akin to making the argument that aids is proof that humans are wrong
i+get+the+feeling+that+simply+by+shaking+somebodies+hand+I+am+exposing+them+to+deadly+pathogen
i also met a walrus or manatee that was excited by some of the more abstract ideas I had. it had quite a vivid imagination. cartoon like, even. its eyes popped out of its head and its pupils turned into the shape of love hearts.
but+hey.+we're+friends
then an octopus came along and did the same thing.
it exited me a pale, almost transparent greenish-brown.
unfortunately we didn't get on. I wasn't well. but I tried.
I am quite comfortable with a spider entering my brain, and then exiting promptly
but+then+I+am+totally+out+of+them
i am totally into vaginas
instinct is a threat to me. sorry, i meant, instinct is the memory of a threat to me.
at least an attempt at mutual understanding, rather than forced integration into a somewhat arbitrary, emotionally closed off system to which you are attached
spiders, moths, beetles, worms, small insects and I got on pretty well before the catastrophe of me me me
it's pretty hard to find middle ground between cultural boundaries, let alone those of an entirely different species, but probably not impossible with the use of tasers, torture and forced malnutrition
finely honed internal feedback mechanism
assuming that information comes from an external source, or one synchronous with your cellular network, which is why most mobile carriers should have the right to purchase ICBMs.
the only way to be sure is to irrevocably alter the information you are assessing
it's the only way.
i sit on a pile of skulls and laugh and fuck and care not for the pain I cause.
it is bio-structurally intangible. by the same measure, there are things which are probably incapable of neuro-structural abstraction of certain processes, without the correct conceptual 'chemistry'.
my mind has been attacked, the same way a virus 'attacks' a host. the virus, however, probably has no conception of the holistic biological system it is threatening
one might suggest that the way forward is for those networks to compete until one lays bloodied or at the mercy of another's actions
"segregated social networks have the potential to be as volatile in their interactions as singular organisms of different species".
i am tired of being the target of attempts at manipulation by people who understand the world on very different terms, whose validation is the success of their efforts, as opposed to the analysis of their own worldly constructions and motives.
I'm pretty sure the shower of death semen mirrors the planet in some beautiful light
apparently the sun is the combined force of millions of souls trapped in hell for a finite amount of time
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