Eclipsed.

Instead of allowing a feeling to resolve internally, ie. to plan a route unhindered by external interference, I'm privy to an externalized reaction, a collapse in time akin to wave function collapse or billions of doors closing, the reduction of possibility to a phrase or utterance to which the external body is attached, and forced to react within the boundaries of its own conception. Fine, but what this doesn't allow for is time. to model from a more disconnected, objective perspective : essentially, the removal of the ability to grow outside of it. Or to see beyond it.

This is not how my mind worked. I feel as if I am, whilst still retaining a relatively high level of conscious awareness, being digested and forced into the structures of conception of an alternate organism. It is painful, distressing, negating my heart, my intelligence and my freedom to move. A terrible waste. As if they're eating my dreams, and tormenting me with the happiness that was once my own.