It’s curious. The apparent instability when I take a leap, as uncomfortable as it is, is far easier to handle for me - far more interesting, and worth the mental effort associated with it - than the attempts at influence of my emotions by external entities. In the throes of anger, governed by forceful treatment - forceful is a subjective term, more a subtle interplay between my frame of reference and the apparent lack of empathy of the (x) which attacks my (immune system) - I lose the ability to communicate in a controlled manner. Essentially I’m being forced to act, and in doing so am unable to choose or form pathways which gracefully communicate my experiences and emotions. Thus, there are periods where the (patterns I output) appear stilted, incomprehensible, unattractive to external observers, etc. In order to correct for this, I habitually reconfigure my internal state, and thus to an extent my external appearance, as much as I am able within the confines of my own comprehension, to better connect with external entities. Reconfiguring ones internal state is a habit which when mirrored in the physical plane mimics the life cycle - whether or not this is something to be encouraged is questionable, but it’s a survival mechanism I have developed in response to my environment - that of constant attack from external entities - as well as the desire to live up to my potential, to connect better with my peers, to achieve awesome things, and, to put it bluntly, have great sex.
I don’t think the structure of my environment is a necessity in order to achieve this state, but unfortunately I have no control over it.
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