Eclipsed.

Reflecting on my recent experiences : my mental processes have been heavily influenced, and thus, the carrier of my holistic emotional state - in my opinion, based on the plasticity of intelligence I had access to before and its 'tighter' integration with my emotional state, to their detriment - by assertion of an external interpretation of the state my conscious mind, through the carrier of spoken English language. (Important to note, though, that during the inception of this state, whereupon I was barraged by assertions of "you are arrogant", I was violently attacked by seemingly a seemingly 'gyroscopic' process, as if my 'heart' or carrier of emotional state were being somehow drilled or buzz sawed into).

The manipulation of my conscious state with language both externally, and now internally, is by definition rooted in auditory processing. This goes some way to explaining why both whispers and language linked with emotionally charged tonality have roughly the same negative effect on the integrity of my mind. It is also important to note that there is a link between this linguistic assertion and the time or rate at which information about ones internal state is resolved within the network - this habit is reiterated upon until this carrier becomes the 'default' habit of intelligence within my own network. This, as I am discovering, has had the effect of 'raw' emotion not being resolved correctly or not resolved at all internally due to lack of a carrier which 'fits'. I do not have a set of rigidly defined conceptual tools to describe it, but in lieu of that, it feels as if since the treatment, I become aware of a large 'hole' in my mind when attempting to resolve an emotional state, such as anger or frustration, love, etc. This is coupled with physiological sensation : the brain, as far as I am aware, does not perceive pain in the same way the rest of the body does - i.e. there are no nerve endings which could be interfered with - instead it feels like a headache, a feeling of compression, in a tangible space residing within my brain, one which can generally be calmed by using my imagination to traverse that space - though this process is generally interfered with. It is as if the majority of my mind has become stagnant or unused within the context of this emotional carrier, that the habit that is being spread throughout my internal network is of detriment to higher level cognitive functions existing within that space.

I am also realizing that I'm apparently being subjected to entanglement of internal state with external information - not necessarily linguistic - sounds, images, and people reacting based on external interpretation of internal state, again, usually to its detriment, though this is largely a problem due to rate of resolve of internal state into a sane, tightly integrated carrier. Instead, a process which reacts, usually in a dissonant manner, to an as yet 'unresolved' state on a momentary basis. This happens often enough that it is difficult to discriminate between intentional manipulation, which I am fairly convinced is a regular occurrence now, with information which could be considered ambiguous in terms of reaction to internal state. This process is also of detriment to the redevelopment of the habit of refining intelligence outside of the context of the process of being 'determined', generally erroneously or without regard for a more refined process, by an external or internal observer.

It also has the effect of interfering with and influencing my emotional state on a moment to moment basis. From the perspective of my current understanding there appear to be three major effects on my state - one, that because emotional state isn't considered as a tangible state to be considered, it becomes redundant within this context, 'eroding' or neutralizing raw emotion. Two, that the habit of intelligence which allows the space for creation and dissemination of emotion throughout the network in a stable manner is interfered with means that redevelopment of that (carrier of) emotion is in and of itself a stressful process. Three, that the 'context' of interpretation of the world and myself which this interference infers does not account for what I'd consider a far more rational, accurate and all encompassing notion and interpretation of - just about everything. Instead the process habitual reassertion of its favoured, 'strategically determined' context. That it attempts to do this at all is evidence that the nature of its holistic intelligence, regardless of how accurately its interference represents the true state of its intelligence, does not account for alternate 'frameworks' of intelligence (though I can only accurately state that it does not account for the framework which I developed / contained), which would have made the reasoning behind the choice to follow this path redundant in favour of alternate, more harmonious mechanisms.

A possible reason behind the choice to attack is that the 'framework' of intelligence which makes this decision is time limited, though, from the perspective of the structure which carries it, seemingly 'absolute' - the redefinition of that framework made difficult or impossible due to social or environmental pressures, that investment in that framework makes redefinition a threat, or simply due to its lack of exposure to, understanding of, or internalization of alternate frames of reference. Though here I am referring to internal abstraction, as opposed to holistic biological state, it is still important to consider that this internal abstraction essentially is the 'carrier' of the state of the organism and thus a system to be respected, the same way any other organ should be - though there is a relative amount of plasticity here, especially in humans, it is important to let the system make its own decisions, provided they are not an immediate threat to the state of another organism. This, in my experience, generally entails a system of internal abstraction and communication which can encompass those states with a relative degree of accuracy, as opposed to asserting ones potentially inaccurate interpretation of another state as absolute, to the detriment of the integrity of that state.