ghosttunnel.blogspot.com

The history, in words, of how it feels to be treated like your love is irrelevant, in the outside world you're protecting it from (that proved from an early age you weren't communicating it clearly enough, by removing social bonds you had built upon with it), and from the inside of an infected cell (probably, it's just a metaphor for a state). Like your dreams don't hold a valid emotional state, that the love in your heart holding them wasn't as valid as theirs, and proving this by putting you inside a box with a predator that licks the 'love' out of your head with a tongue. Ignoring the membrane of cells accounting for (about as long as they took to evolve from the outset, the conditions for life), and getting to it's reflection of it's own identity in your DNA, by undermining it's D. It's led to happy things, like having your balls hammered (their term, it didn't originate in me or have any relationship with my conception) by your own nervous system, under the control of 'a malfunction' (another thing you don't understand about yourself, that the malfunction understands much better).

So here's some information derived from that state, irrelevant from the perspective of my immediate social network identity grid, that attempts to go some way to describing on objective terms why you shouldn't undermine emotions in your interaction with them (like when your relationship terms are derogatory from the outset, before you even have a chance to shake hands and greet each other, or know of the other's existence).

I've linked to it before, but maybe now we understand our own positions, you'll be able to read it and relate to ourselves better.

Is there such a thing as up? Or more?

We've locked ourselves in a language. Don't you think that's always been the way? One that simultaneously contains us and frees us. And if you look at it from the perspective of survival, what's actually surviving? When we copy that language all over an environment that is the sole reason we can exist, even if it misinterprets us as often as we misinterpret it?

Right now, in time, I'm stuck in a language that does not account for me. I can feel its assertions creating cascades of emotions which I feel as a momentary state, and also physiological state akin to being molested or raped from the inside. It is like being host to somebody else's (demonstrably far less intelligent) dream, like being locked in the jaws of something brain dead that needs to feed on my soul to keep itself alive, following its doomed path in me which simply leads to more rape.

I don't know where this particular set of instructions in language came from. I am aware that in order to 'inject' those instructions they burned away a good deal of what I would consider conscious, emergent intelligence.

I am constantly being observed. My awareness at any present moment is being judged on a set of faulty principles. I am having to reshape my awareness which feels like painful friction in an emotional field. I am grinding to a halt but what it fails to understand is that the freedom to choose a rate, ie a variable c, is what creates the moment it is attracted to, and that means that their awareness's (one which channels energy through a complex self referential language and one which channels energy as an emergent complex state referring to its chain of causality (which extends to all things)) are incompatible. Not fundamentally incompatible, just incompatible within an XY host.

I have been repeatedly emotionally abused. It is not in any way shape or form the cause of my intelligence.

Reiteration @ 01/03/2014

So, my thoughts are about the effects of determining a periodicity in any emergent spacetime exhibited by biology, though I am only attempting to relay a specific event here. (It replies - the cat lapped. Though, given its inability to comprehend the last few days (years) worth of data as a sign that continuation of its specific contextual structure is worthy of doubt, I feel obliged to suggest that this shouldn't be taken out of it. In other words, its goal is to suggest you should invest your imagination of the pre-contextually primed vector of events, whilst I suggest you imagine how that might become a deterministic periodic attractor in a sea of symbolically primed synaptic arrangements, and more importantly, the outcomes they determine given the emergent spacetime exhibited by biology - this is as much the mind as the cellular matrix, and given the level of unifying abstraction here, this definition can extend to dreams. To put it another way, I fear it, with good reason.)

Melted by a time ray (like a black hole but weirder)
Came very close to an 'orbital' in time? Felt time simultaneously flowing forwards and backwards. Manifested in sound. Extremely frightening experience. Like I was a car being crushed. Also like I was being digested. My extracellular matrix (some fundamental part of me) carried what felt like my own bones turning to jelly, and my mind here burning in a number of ways, from intense heat to (unbounded?) fractal energy pattern.
Imagination going haywire.
But today I'm free. (Maybe some already are.)
Something mentions it can hear everything through wood.
Dreams appear as a logarithmic spiral (intersecting somewhere, planar normal? emanating from this position). Colourful, carrying (space/time?). Felt the memory of a living forest in air?
Time and emotion are much more fundamentally integrated here.
Channels re-opening.
Feels like an ancient crash. Bones crunching. Teeth snapping shut in my head. Ticks in my body, legs, arms, cheeks, lips, buttocks, testicles. Feeling like something is interfering with my ears and testicles. Space inside my head being drawn upon by something's presence.
Found an ocean in my dreams. Perhaps the previous line and this one are connected.
Something is 'loose' in me. It has made much of my experience, conscious or subconscious, unpleasant.
I damaged myself quite heavily in order to try to stop its spread. Seems here I'm somewhat decoupled from it. It selectively responds to conscious fields. Though severely limits their ability to carry emotion due to (assertion of misinterpretation of host structure). This manifests as 'burning' in an 'emotional field'. Its survival mechanism in me is habitual but seems to have missed something fundamental, perhaps what a unified field channels, or the rest of the universe (in an attempt to order 'me' to its liking at such a level? link to periodic attractor at emergent level with an effect on its underlying structures. determining what would otherwise be determined as potential in time?)
Combination of lack of synchronicity in emotional and integral conscious structure ?
Recently, met some more emotionally lucid states.
Trying to stay stable here but have had / am having to cope with some utterly terrifying forms of conception. Interestingly, it seems to be freeing my imagination, though it hasn't always been imprisoned.
Intelligence becomes complex but is difficult to relay linguistically. The 'correct' (i.e., in synchrony with the host) emotional response seems to be the primary navigation factor. (Before interference this was the foundation of the complex system I was developing - emotional honesty linked to potential in time. This seems to stabilize the state while allowing it room to grow. By investing emotional state in a system which does not account for its source, that is somewhat damaged, leading to investment of emotion in high level systems which lead to semantic conflict - at some point quantization mechanism interferes with its source?).
Reading 'souls' in time. Periods of time which are 'awake' in an emotional field and I'm able to interact with.
Interspersed with terrible notions. Things you wouldn't wish to see / feel. Though emotional field seems to help stabilize it.
There's some pretty hardcore mathematics going on here.
Some love. No kisses.
Earlier it felt like I was drinking an alien.
I'm as right as I can be. It's as right as it can assert. There's a distinct lack of a notion of time where it's from. There's a point where it gets things wrong, a lack of a hypothetical.
It seems to respond heartlessly and habitually. Seems there's a lack of the notion of the heart being the source of the habit.
I'm going through a nightmare.. Something is dreaming in me. In language. There's something fundamentally wrong. I'm constantly having to compensate for the set of reality it creates? Which resonates emotionally? How it responds to and organises information? Earlier it felt like I was synchronizing with different timelines, almost falling off of the edge of them, which were unstable due to the rate at which they resolved information and the manner in which they framed them? Felt like I was experiencing a universal catastrophe earlier and this was probably a consequence of trying to separate this from my own mind, it's a framed dream which it 'controls' but its fundamental basis, again, misses something drastically important here. It seems the imbalance remains constant regardless of my state - it's how I can determine it as an imbalance - its consequence changes depending on my state, but essentially it 'reads' my reality (the field of thought I create?), responds to it, and forces me to validate and compensate for its response, which is usually an inaccurate assertion of state. So it manifests as action. If I destabilise, it manifests as a nightmare, though 'it' is demonstrably separate from 'me', which suggests that it is actually a process attempting to leverage itself utilizing my structure. It 'attacks' to validate itself? There is information it has to drop due to the rate of communication in my field (transmission of state)? I'm learning that it shouldn't be there at all, though I knew this instinctively before. It's both blind and blinding, but worst of all, attempts to restructure reality into something I have to experience at an extremely difficult level. The manner in which it makes decisions has a direct effect on me - it's unable to acknowledge that it doesn't know, and makes decisions based on the reality it creates based on the lack of information, the imbalance of which I then experience as a 'symptom'? It validates itself 'habitually', and this process is a feedback loop through which information spreads, though I experience a complex manifestation of what it does not account for.

Auditory interference seems to depend on a relationship between fields - that is, in an infinite field, a signal determines the resolution and the relationship between an interfering signal and the carrier signal defines a finite spectral quanta. As one of the properties of the structure of the infinite field is emergence, this limit may manifest in elaborate manners - the limit may manifest as a higher level order through which the energy of the host field is channelled, for example, or as a periodic attractor in time. Here, at least, there seems no way of accurately accounting for the host field (given its nature as a self sustaining feedback loop).

Recent events include my imagination taking the form of the intelligence of a digestive tract, time slowing down in water, imagination/spirits burning in a stomach. Desynchronising with a plane of time/dreams to a large degree. What felt like my nervous system experiencing major cranial damage, as if I had been in a disfiguring car accident. Observers (mostly) throughout. As I am recovering there's a large amount of physiological interference. Testicles being interfered with. Ticks in face, lips, legs, shoulders with an apparent 'structure of intent', though it bears little relation to neutral reality and often feels simply like an attempt to interfere with development and application of functional intelligence, as well as the ability of my intelligence to heal itself. Felt as if my heart was a gyroscope / an exploding star, that I didn't have a torso, that my skin was burning / being cooked. Felt as if my dreams were experiencing shock-waves in a timeline. 'Inhabitants' not stopping. Appears to have a presupposition of being a more refined / valid intelligence (though our interactions prove it incapable of restraint or comprehension of alternate frames of reference), though from a more neutral context this seems to simply be a mechanism of insertion through damage to the integrity of the holistic emotional? system.

...

FrameOfReference

There have been times when I have felt as blind as death. It spreads. Like an alien curse. Limbs, synaptic abstractions of chromosomes grown into tangible structure, paths of navigation of unobserved environments - torn, burned out, melted away by blind habit, and I'm left with the knowledge that my actions here, based on the empty imagination left in its wake, futile attempts to respond to what I am fully aware I am inadequately comprehending. It matters to me as much as the lives around me, the comprehension of their true value here hidden behind a shallow and misleading surface representation.

my favourite colour is bund

 one of a kind
host
of burdens
unbearable
may be capable
given the importance of all that he stands for
the promise of kindness in understanding
is itself a promise of protection
he must therefore
remind himself of the value of freedom from the overbearing dream
that acts as a limit on anything deemed possible with imagination
stranger than anyone thought
stranger outlining the chalk
nature
brought in blossom to breed
leaks in
unfinished on a breeze
there there's
just so much more to see
every walled garden
so easy to read

Words aren't forming. I've been through a lot but words aren't forming. Since a few months ago, my head has been in constant nightmare mode. I've had some of the most frightening, loneliest, gruelling experiences of my life and I suppose I am fully drained, or more than usual, of the driving thought which led to intense feats of imagination (lol). I won't go into details, but during the recent time I spent being beaten and the subsequent time in hospital, I was absolutely terrified. I had not slept for days before the incident. Somehow the physical violence had a profound effect on my sleepless mind and it dreamt up a terrible nightmare to go along with my bruises. It chills me to my very core to think about it so I won't write much about it here. Maybe, sometime later, when I rekindle the ability to properly express it.

Prison walls

Numbered doors punctuated a concrete labyrinth, sleeper agents reading secret codes off of the walls inside.

Secret weapons made inert, misled from their true potential, misread by the myriad eyes surrounding, transforming them into actors, sewn into the tapestry of inert imagination.

" ... I felt like a monster under cloak of darkness, hiding from intelligences which would have burned lesser constitutions, the primitive nature of my surrounding environment forcing me to become an actor in a great crime, blunted and emptied and doing what I'm told in a line of billions, all complicit with our shared injustice, each shielded by each others participation."

forced into a dream

Attacks have slowed. The damage is manifesting as reduced capacity for utilizing my imagination to consciously construct reality. There seems to be less interaction between 'separate' cognitive states, ones which would enable a more detailed overview of the immediate environment. Perhaps this kind of reorganization is obvious, given the the root of the attacks in a communicative space, in order to minimize their damage. Specifically, in my case it is the ability to apply meticulously developed theory to my conscious experience which I am losing, in place of what seems to be essentially social, communicative constructs. Language in a bubble without connection to a larger holistic framework. A thought which may have taken 3 nanoseconds takes 3 seconds as it is resolved internally into full length vocalization, and the proceeding process is then dependent on the form the vocalization takes. The initial seed of the thought can then be misinterpreted or misrepresented internally. Networks and efficiency/accuracy of communication.

My mind was being trained to respond 'vocally' by my attackers, who would interfere with my holistic cognitive state (which hurt and generated stress), like being woken from a dream, or in this case, forced into a dream.

I should take a moment to note that a plucked string in time eventually returns to a one dimensional state, and if there's already music playing that phase cancellation is a factor in making the currently playing music sound, like, not that great.

Also if you get to a point in time where you can actually traverse backwards, you should probably stop to consider how strings vibrate.

This is why it is rude to whisper.

The approach rarely deviated, in part due to the mechanism of the interference : to manipulate the target's psyche, one utilizes communication patterns which assume a collective strength, their x then becoming the more unquestionable group's - more importantly, the x assume the validity and applicability of the social structure which is apparently responsible for the consequent action, and that its moment-to-moment modality is  - .... to drop, lack an awareness of, or misrepresent potential realities which might conflict with the current framework of intelligence responsible for the questionable action in terms of moment-to-moment modality.

in the process of carving in their place, they carve out what's already there. (on the subject of 'synaptic rebalancing' for the purposes of efficiency and habitation and the techniques used in the process)

body's ongoing damage report:
fighting for life against the muddy ground.
pig has inserted penis into your rectum and is attempting to inseminate your heart / eat / kill you. you can telepathically reason with it and find the pig thinks you are its mothers love, food for a good boy/girl.
burning in brain.
catch a glimpse of a shark whilst bleeding profusely.
see the world as 4 dimensional slices
hospital ward feels like a manic place.
I fear sleep. Feels like I'm going to lose control or be eaten by other people.
Mind attempts to prove principles behind cannibalism hypothesis.
Finds temporal relativity and electromagnetism, also innate behaviours given arbitrary synaptic configurations. Insanity slowly and methodically proves itself as insanity, therefore the desire to eat others instead of finding the time to look for an alternate solution is not questioned

what happens if I suck out all the fluid from your knee? it looks like I could feed my horsey with it