01/03/2014

So, my thoughts are about the effects of determining a periodicity in any emergent spacetime exhibited by biology, though I am only attempting to relay a specific event here. (It replies - the cat lapped. Though, given its inability to comprehend the last few days (years) worth of data as a sign that continuation of its specific contextual structure is worthy of doubt, I feel obliged to suggest that this shouldn't be taken out of it. In other words, its goal is to suggest you should invest your imagination of the pre-contextually primed vector of events, whilst I suggest you imagine how that might become a deterministic periodic attractor in a sea of symbolically primed synaptic arrangements, and more importantly, the outcomes they determine given the emergent spacetime exhibited by biology - this is as much the mind as the cellular matrix, and given the level of unifying abstraction here, this definition can extend to dreams. To put it another way, I fear it, with good reason.)

Melted by a time ray (like a black hole but weirder)
Came very close to an 'orbital' in time? Felt time simultaneously flowing forwards and backwards. Manifested in sound. Extremely frightening experience. Like I was a car being crushed. Also like I was being digested. My extracellular matrix (some fundamental part of me) carried what felt like my own bones turning to jelly, and my mind here burning in a number of ways, from intense heat to (unbounded?) fractal energy pattern.
Imagination going haywire.
But today I'm free. (Maybe some already are.)
Something mentions it can hear everything through wood.
Dreams appear as a logarithmic spiral (intersecting somewhere, planar normal? emanating from this position). Colourful, carrying (space/time?). Felt the memory of a living forest in air?
Time and emotion are much more fundamentally integrated here.
Channels re-opening.
Feels like an ancient crash. Bones crunching. Teeth snapping shut in my head. Ticks in my body, legs, arms, cheeks, lips, buttocks, testicles. Feeling like something is interfering with my ears and testicles. Space inside my head being drawn upon by something's presence.
Found an ocean in my dreams. Perhaps the previous line and this one are connected.
Something is 'loose' in me. It has made much of my experience, conscious or subconscious, unpleasant.
I damaged myself quite heavily in order to try to stop its spread. Seems here I'm somewhat decoupled from it. It selectively responds to conscious fields. Though severely limits their ability to carry emotion due to (assertion of misinterpretation of host structure). This manifests as 'burning' in an 'emotional field'. Its survival mechanism in me is habitual but seems to have missed something fundamental, perhaps what a unified field channels, or the rest of the universe (in an attempt to order 'me' to its liking at such a level? link to periodic attractor at emergent level with an effect on its underlying structures. determining what would otherwise be determined as potential in time?)
Combination of lack of synchronicity in emotional and integral conscious structure ?
Recently, met some more emotionally lucid states.
Trying to stay stable here but have had / am having to cope with some utterly terrifying forms of conception. Interestingly, it seems to be freeing my imagination, though it hasn't always been imprisoned.
Intelligence becomes complex but is difficult to relay linguistically. The 'correct' (i.e., in synchrony with the host) emotional response seems to be the primary navigation factor. (Before interference this was the foundation of the complex system I was developing - emotional honesty linked to potential in time. This seems to stabilize the state while allowing it room to grow. By investing emotional state in a system which does not account for its source, that is somewhat damaged, leading to investment of emotion in high level systems which lead to semantic conflict - at some point quantization mechanism interferes with its source?).
Reading 'souls' in time. Periods of time which are 'awake' in an emotional field and I'm able to interact with.
Interspersed with terrible notions. Things you wouldn't wish to see / feel. Though emotional field seems to help stabilize it.
There's some pretty hardcore mathematics going on here.
Some love. No kisses.
Earlier it felt like I was drinking an alien.
I'm as right as I can be. It's as right as it can assert. There's a distinct lack of a notion of time where it's from. There's a point where it gets things wrong, a lack of a hypothetical.
It seems to respond heartlessly and habitually. Seems there's a lack of the notion of the heart being the source of the habit.
I'm going through a nightmare.. Something is dreaming in me. In language. There's something fundamentally wrong. I'm constantly having to compensate for the set of reality it creates? Which resonates emotionally? How it responds to and organises information? Earlier it felt like I was synchronizing with different timelines, almost falling off of the edge of them, which were unstable due to the rate at which they resolved information and the manner in which they framed them? Felt like I was experiencing a universal catastrophe earlier and this was probably a consequence of trying to separate this from my own mind, it's a framed dream which it 'controls' but its fundamental basis, again, misses something drastically important here. It seems the imbalance remains constant regardless of my state - it's how I can determine it as an imbalance - its consequence changes depending on my state, but essentially it 'reads' my reality (the field of thought I create?), responds to it, and forces me to validate and compensate for its response, which is usually an inaccurate assertion of state. So it manifests as action. If I destabilise, it manifests as a nightmare, though 'it' is demonstrably separate from 'me', which suggests that it is actually a process attempting to leverage itself utilizing my structure. It 'attacks' to validate itself? There is information it has to drop due to the rate of communication in my field (transmission of state)? I'm learning that it shouldn't be there at all, though I knew this instinctively before. It's both blind and blinding, but worst of all, attempts to restructure reality into something I have to experience at an extremely difficult level. The manner in which it makes decisions has a direct effect on me - it's unable to acknowledge that it doesn't know, and makes decisions based on the reality it creates based on the lack of information, the imbalance of which I then experience as a 'symptom'? It validates itself 'habitually', and this process is a feedback loop through which information spreads, though I experience a complex manifestation of what it does not account for.

Auditory interference seems to depend on a relationship between fields - that is, in an infinite field, a signal determines the resolution and the relationship between an interfering signal and the carrier signal defines a finite spectral quanta. As one of the properties of the structure of the infinite field is emergence, this limit may manifest in elaborate manners - the limit may manifest as a higher level order through which the energy of the host field is channelled, for example, or as a periodic attractor in time. Here, at least, there seems no way of accurately accounting for the host field (given its nature as a self sustaining feedback loop).

Recent events include my imagination taking the form of the intelligence of a digestive tract, time slowing down in water, imagination/spirits burning in a stomach. Desynchronising with a plane of time/dreams to a large degree. What felt like my nervous system experiencing major cranial damage, as if I had been in a disfiguring car accident. Observers (mostly) throughout. As I am recovering there's a large amount of physiological interference. Testicles being interfered with. Ticks in face, lips, legs, shoulders with an apparent 'structure of intent', though it bears little relation to neutral reality and often feels simply like an attempt to interfere with development and application of functional intelligence, as well as the ability of my intelligence to heal itself. Felt as if my heart was a gyroscope / an exploding star, that I didn't have a torso, that my skin was burning / being cooked. Felt as if my dreams were experiencing shock-waves in a timeline. 'Inhabitants' not stopping. Appears to have a presupposition of being a more refined / valid intelligence (though our interactions prove it incapable of restraint or comprehension of alternate frames of reference), though from a more neutral context this seems to simply be a mechanism of insertion through damage to the integrity of the holistic emotional? system.

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