Denied. Denied. Denied. Denied.

Today, an empty mind. My dreams are dying. Glimpses of the beauty that came before. Trees that grip hard to chaos, feeding love to the sky. But it feels like I'm clinging on to a dream that can't exist in the environment I inhabit. When this began, insects, birds, everything was conscious and alive. Aware. I felt it all. As far fetched as it sounds, I learned something about the nature of the universe watching a spider spinning a web. I was happy. My dreams were flowing. Totally alien intelligence. But beautiful. If a little lonely. Today I feel as if they have been beaten out of me. It shows up in the lines on my dead face. Like a zombie. I work so fucking hard on making myself something that I can both respect and is worth something to the people around me. Keeping my love alive. It's all subverted, my imagination turned into a football, kicked around by people who've forcefully taken ownership of it. And they don't understand it. It's something they have to force into forms they can understand.

I cling to it because it's my love. My light. They burned it out of me. And it fucking burned. Beyond human comprehension. Intelligence protected me. Fundamental and emotional intelligence. A heart. But it doesn't protect you from being drugged and gone at with a drill, metaphorically speaking. Perhaps that they lack it is the reason they need to do it to me. I was raped. No-one will find out because it's above the head of most people. Days like this I feel like a dying husk. And I can't do anything but wait. I've tried everything. Fighting wears me down. Not fighting back renders my intelligence redundant. And so they 'win'. I guess the way they frame the world.