£1.59 at Clinton Cards

In order to maximize profit, the designers of Christmas cards often opt to play it safe by depicting festive celebrities and customs recognizable to the lowest common denominator. The greatest loss suffered at the hands of this neglect is undoubtedly the heart-warming tale of a giant dimensionally transient spider who comes to those who lay cold in their winter beds, hugging them as they sleep, and sucking any evil spirits - who may have entered in their chilly state of vulnerability - out through the soft marrow of their spinal cords.

The following message of festive cheer is my personal tribute to him - and to those that have never had the pleasure of hearing the tale due to the survival instincts of asexual overlord Skaal'Tethos.